Drama

There is nothing like a serious difference of opinion to draw some attention, especially when it is a professor and a student that are at odds.  When it gets to that point, the rest of the class is wondering if they should hit the floor and watch for flying debris.

I would have joined them had I not been the one to speak up.

For people that know me, it is not exactly easy for me to shy away from something I know is right and this was no exception. As soon as the professor said it, I knew it was incorrect and the rest of the class started to rumble.  They knew it too.  So, I waited for someone to question her statement.  Silence.  I waited some more... more rumbling ensued.  No one was doing anything and I saw my arm twitching.  I really wanted to raise my hand but all these doubts came to mind.  Would I get pummeled?  Would she just reiterate and move on?  I was doubting myself - did I REALLY know the right answer?

So, I raised my hand.  She called on me and it just all came out wrong.  I told her that she wasn't right, I told her what was right, and I waited to hear that I was an idiot.  In my mind, my thoughts were racing...I couldn't believe that I had just told her she was wrong!!! After all the different ways in my head I was going to say it, I said the exact thing I wanted to avoid!

I was still shocked at what I had said when she spoke. She nonchalantly corrected me and moved on. She said I was confused and that was that. I said, no, I am not confused. Did I just say that???? That is when she asked me to explain my position. My heart was beating like crazy but I started from the beginning and explained my rationale. She looked at me for a moment and then said... "you're right." There was a silence in that room like nothing I have ever heard. Then all at once, I could hear the class exhale along with my own pent up breath.

There was a motto that I saw on a reggae van in St. George's that said "courage is the ability to let go of what is certain." This whole experience of moving down here and starting medical school has been revealing. I have been thrust out of my comfort zone and every day brings a new experience, a new way I have to let go of something that holds me back, whether it be the fear of meeting new people or speaking up in class.

Prescription to myself: take one dose of uncertainty 4 times daily, with 8 oz of water. Do not lie down for at least a half hour or indigestion will occur. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while under the influence of uncertainty. Finish all the doses of uncertainty, even if you are feeling better, or resistance to uncertainty may result.